“I’m unhappy. I want a divorce.” Those are the words my friend heard from his wife after ten years of marriage. My friend asked if they could work it out. She reluctantly agreed and went to a few counseling sessions with him but still she replied, “I’m done. I’m unhappy. I want a divorce.”
My friend is a good guy. He has a good job, he regularly spends time with his kids, and he was a good husband. Was he perfect? Of course not, but he was always faithful to his wife, committed to her, and committed to his family. I’ve known him almost twenty years now.
But marriage is hard. It’s not easy. Anyone that tells you it is easy is either lying or has not been married for very long. God addresses two issues related to marriage in Malachi 2:11-16. The first was about spouse selection in which the men in Israel were marrying spouses from outside of their nation. The second issue was marriage dedication because the men of Israel were divorcing their wives.
As God focuses on marriage, He tells the Israelites that He rejects the people’s offerings because they have rejected His commands. “He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand” (Malachi 2:13).[1]
God then gets more specific about what commands the people have rejected. “the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant” (Malachi 2:14).
God reveals there is no one who has done marriage right. “But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth” (Malachi 2:15).
God reacts to the divorces that are occurring in Israel. “’For I hate divorce,’ says the LORD, the God of Israel, ‘and him who covers his garment with wrong,’ says the LORD of hosts. ‘So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously’” (Malachi 2:16).
Here God gives a reason for this rebuke. God does not want anyone to get divorced. God makes it clear, “I hate divorce.” One of the reasons God hates divorce is because a divorced man “covers his garment with wrong” (v. 16). This is figurative and it symbolizes marriage as in Ruth 3:9 and Ezekiel 16:8. A man covering himself with violence or wrong describes violating the marriage relationship. The garment was supposed to be a symbol of protection, but when a man divorces his wife it is actually “wrong” or “violence” that is done to the divorced wife. The NIV translates this phrase as the man “does violence to the one he should protect.” When a man divorced his wife it removed her protection and treated her cruelly.
But God gives direction for this people. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously” (v. 16c). The people were supposed to avoid divorce at all costs. God hates divorce, and we should hate it too.
God’s desire for marriage is for a man that loves God to marry a woman that loves God and that they stay married until death temporarily separates them from each other. Sadly, that doesn’t occur as much as it should in our culture.
This passage makes a strong statement about God’s attitude toward divorce: He doesn’t want it to happen. There are passages in the Bible that concede divorce and strictly regulate it. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 allows divorce in special circumstances and that teaching was affirmed by Jesus in Matthew 5:31-32; 19:3-9, Mark 10:2-12, and Luke 16:18. Paul further elaborated on the concessions for biblical divorce in 1 Corinthians 7:10-16. When reading those passages it’s important to note that God conceded divorce and regulated divorce because of the hardness of man’s heart and because of our fallen sinful nature, not because God thought divorce was a solution. The Bible permits divorce in these situations, but never mandates it. Divorce is allowed if a spouse commits adultery or if an unbeliever abandons his spouse.
The focus of this passage in Malachi 2:11-16 is that we need to carefully select a spouse that loves God and we need to remain committed to the spouse we have married. Here are two practical tips to do that.
Live out your faith together. Read Scripture, pray, be in a small group together, read a marriage book together, or attend a marriage conference together. Most of us work in jobs that require us to spend time each year doing continuing education, learning new things, and staying sharp on our skills. But when it comes to our marriage sometimes we just go with the flow. Instead, we should be intentional to grow in our marriage just as we are intentional to grow in our career. For a marriage to remain strong we have to live out our faith together and grow together.
Lean on help when you need it. This might be help from a parent, a pastor, or a professional counselor. Don’t be scared to ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign that you recognize you want things to get better. Tough times come and when they come we often need help. There also are organizations like FamilyLife or Focus on the Family that have professional counselors you can talk to over the phone. The best help might come from the people in your church that have already been through what you’re experiencing and that can talk with you, listen, let you know you’re not alone, and pray with you through it.
(If your marriage is healthy right now, you need to look for others that are struggling and need help because you might be the person they need to lean on during these difficult times.)
I hope you have seen from this look at Malachi 2 that God’s desire is for us all to be married to one spouse. That was God’s plan from the beginning and is His desire for us now. But we live in a fallen world where sin has corrupted marriage. A poor work-life balance, abuse of alcohol, drugs, gambling, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, neglect, and many other sinful habits inhibit healthy marriages and sometimes leads to divorce. Sometimes this means we endure a divorce that we don’t want, just like my friend. But God hates divorce and He wants us to select a godly spouse and commit to marriage.
[1] Scripture taken from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission.