Marriage is hard. Anyone that tells you it is easy is either lying or has not been married for very long. We know that marriage is hard because we all have been effected by divorces in our lives. The topic of marriage comes up in the book of Malachi because God is concerned about the people the Israelites were marrying. The men in Israel were selecting spouses from people outside of their nation. In God’s message to Israel—delivered by Malachi—God describes the principle for selecting a spouse. “Do we not all have one father? Has not one God created us? Why do we deal treacherously each against his brother so as to profane the covenant of our fathers?” (Malachi 2:10).[1] One God created us in Genesis and when He created us in Genesis He gave Adam and Eve to each other. One man, one woman, brought together by one God. And not just in marriage, but God also formed Israel into one nation at Mt. Sinai, which is likely what this is referring to here as well. When it says, “why do we deal treacherously” we need to define “treacherously” because it’s not used often. It means “guilty of or involving betrayal or deception” (Concise Oxford Dictionary) or “likely to betray trust” or “proving insecure footing or support” (Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary). These people were betraying God in their actions.
God describes the problem in how Israel has been selecting a spouse. Judah has violated God’s covenant by violating the marriage covenant. “Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the LORD which He loves and has married the daughter of a foreign god.” (Malachi 2:11). God places the blame squarely: “Judah . . . Israel . . . Jerusalem . . . Judah.” This is the nation that God has called to be His own special people (Israel), along with the country they live in (Judah), as well as the city that was supposed to be their capital (Jerusalem). As a parallel we could say this, “You Americans, living in Washington state, in which Olympia is your capital city.” After a general description of “treachery” in verse 10 and pointing to who was doing the treachery, God now moves on to identify the exact problem. “Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the Lord which he loves, and has married the daughter of a foreign god.”This was a problem for two reasons. It was a problem because God had told the nation of Israel that they were His chosen nation and that through the nation of Abraham (through Israel) eventually one day a Messiah would be born out of that nation to bless Israel and bless the nations (Genesis 12:1-3; 15:1-6). That meant the nation needed to stay together, to stay holy, to stay pure, to stay undefiled. It was a problem also because if an Israelite married someone from outside of Israel that worshipped a different God (Chemosh, Baal, etc.), then that spouse could turn the Israelite’s heart away from God. Marrying a person from a different race was not the problem. It was not even illegal. For example, Boaz married Ruth (a Moabitess), but she was a believer in God. The problem was if the spouse was loyal to her own gods (like Jezebel or King Solomon’s wives) and the Law prevented this. It was the religion of that person that was the problem, not ethnicity.
God describes the punishment that will occur to everyone that has wronged Him and His covenant. “As for the man who does this, may the LORD cut off from the tents of Jacob everyone who awakes and answers, or who presents an offering to the LORD of hosts.” (Malachi 2:12). This grave sin of selecting and marrying a spouse that did not love and follow God brought a clear rebuke from God on the men who do this. Even the one “who presents an offering to the Lord of hosts” would get punished. Just because he showed up at the temple and tried to offer sacrifices didn’t cover the sin he had at home. When it says, “everyone who awakes and answers” that’s a way to describe all the living people at that time.
Having a God-honoring marriage starts with looking for a godly spouse. If you are a parent, uncle, aunt, cousin, unofficially adopted mom or dad or grandpa or grandma, start instilling these principles into others lives.
First, look for a person that loves God. Evaluate that so called “love” of God with the following criteria: Does he have a church community he is part of? Does she have a Bible which has been opened recently? Does she listen to podcasts of sermons? Does he want to wait to have sex until married? Does she pray regularly? Is he in a men’s small group study? The answers to those questions will tell you if this person truly loves God.
Second, listen to godly advice from your godly family and godly friends. This could be mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, good friends, people that aren’t scared to tell you that you are making a bad decision. Listen to these people. They often are objective and can give you insight. Yes, you might be happy right now and “in love” but what potential dangers await in the future that you don’t see right now? Godly family and godly friends can tell you this.
If you’re not yet married and you’re reading this, I pray that God will help you as you seek to select a Godly spouse. If you are married, let’s work together to disciple the people we know that are looking for a spouse and let’s help them find a spouse that loves God and is committed to God.
[1] Scripture taken from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission.